And I Will Leave My Glasses On
by apollo-gize
Summary: As usual, Dave leaves his sunglasses on, but on this particular night, John objects. Because it's weird. Who really has sex with their glasses on, anyway? NOT a lemon/graphic. At all. SLASH, Dave/John. ONESHOT-DRABBLY THING.


**And I Will Leave My Glasses On**

**I used the word "sex" or some variant of it of it about eight times so if you don't like that word, I'm really not quite sure what to say to you regarding this whole ordeal.**

**Whoops it's Dave/John - Parody - AU I guess - Drabble-Oneshot-Thingy - Everyone knows Daves swears, so why bother with a warning anymore?**

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><p>The light snapped on, as Dave and John stumbled sloppily into the room, too preoccupied with each other to mind whatever was on the floor.<p>

The bed squeaked as John was pushed onto it, Dave pinning him, hands on either side of his head.

They both smirked at each other, and continued their business. It was nothing short of routine. One thing would lead to another, and the next thing they would know, they would be naked and tangled in each other's arms the next morning.

Soon they were down to little more than their boxers, and as Dave began to tug John's down, he was stopped by his sunglasses being removed from his face. That was enough to stop Dave from stripping him down, and usually, that took a lot.

"Dude, the fuck are you doing?" Dave asked irritably, making a swipe for his iconic shades.

"You always keep your aviators on during sex, and it's weird. You need to take them off!" John replied, jerking his arm out of reach.

"Egbert. Give me my shades back," Dave said lowly, positively glowering.

"No, I'm telling you, no sane man has as much sex as you do with any type of eye protection on."

"Egbert, you don't need to see my eyes. You have seen them before."

"But no one sleeps with, let alone has sex, with glasses on their face!"

Dave stopped trying to snatch his sunglasses back for a moment, and stood straight. He gave John a quizzical, almost sarcastic look.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Egbert? We screw around all the time, and you leave your derpy glasses on your face for the _ entire night_," he exclaimed, gesturing at John.

John looked offended.

"Well, maybe I like seeing your face!"

"Well, maybe I like wearing my shades. Now give them back."

"It's not the same thing, Dave! My eyesight is horrible, an you know it!"

"John, no one has sex with their eyeglasses on."

"No one has sex with their sunglasses on!"

Dave stood, crossing his arms, giving John a very unamused face.

"I have sex with my sunglasses on," he said flatly, eying the aviators still in John's hands.

John sat up and crossed his arms too, with a huff.

"Then I guess we're not having sex tonight, because I'm not taking off my glasses," he said rather indignantly, staring back evenly at Dave.

The blonde made a "tch" noise, and sat down on the chair that was opposite the bed, not even bothering to move the clothes that were on it.

Several minutes passed, John and Dave eventually averting their gazes and looking around the room. Star Wars poster. Stacks of CDs. Dirty laundry. Laptops charging. Unwatched Netflix movies.

Anything sexual had gone from arousing to uncomfortable silence in a matter of minutes.

Then John got up, and seated himself on Dave's lap, who's usual poker face changed into a bit of smirk.

John unfolded the aviators and Dave allowed him to slip them onto his face.

"You still want to, don't you," he said, grinning slyly.

"Shut up. It's still weird," John sputtered, "and I never said I didn't!"

So they left their glasses on.

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><p><strong>Haha, first off, in case you missed it at the top, and the little subheader thing that tells you the genre, this was a ~parody~<strong>

**Just a quick commentary on how no matter what fandom, people _usually_ (as a crude generalization_,_) will write smut/porn/what have you and will have the characters leave their glasses on during sex. Tales, Persona, Phoenix Wright, whatever, someone will _leave their glasses on_, and it just makes me wonder and then laugh a lot.**

**Does this remind you of a comic by a certain Kate Beaton? Yes? Good.**

**Also I am very bad (and too embarrassed) to write anything "sexy". So I apologize if I got your hopes up?**

**As always, reviews are never necessary, but always appreciated!**


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